Definition of Forgiveness
1. Anger: a justifiable response
It may seem ordinary for people to be angry and want revenge when they have been assaulted, a family\r member murdered, or some other violence has shattered their lives.
I believe that anger is often justified, reasonable and expected in these and other, less devastating \r situations.
2. Thoughts on forgiveness: a second option.
A definition of forgiveness:
Many sources cite quotes on forgiveness, most with unknown origins. Here are some of them:
- \"Forgiveness is opening the prison gates, and discovering that I am free at last.\"
- \r \"Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you for hurting me.\"
- \r \"Forgiveness is acknowledging that the offender did the best he could with his resources at the time.\"
- \r \"Forgiveness is letting go of the emotional connection to an event.\"
What forgiveness is NOT:
- Forgiveness is not excusing or condoning the offending behavior.
- \r Forgiveness is not removal of the natural and logical consequences for the behavior.
- \r Forgiveness does not mean the offender has the right to resume pre-offense rights and privileges in\r your relationship.
- \r Forgiveness does not mean you need to invite the offender back into your life.
Outcomes: lessons on forgiveness
\r
- Freedom to move on.
- \r Freedom to trust others.
- \r Freedom from the influence of bitterness, anger and judgment.
- \r Freedom to love, give, and enjoy life.
- \r Freedom to reconcile a damaged relationship.
How will you choose?
- Forgiveness is the gift that keeps on giving, to you and to the offender.
- \r Forgiveness assures clearance of any residual judgment or criticism you may have held.
- \r Forgiveness need not be accepted by another to be powerful
- Whether or not a relationship \r is reconciled will depend on the circumstances of the situation.
- Forgiveness begins healing, \r and models healing behavior
- \r Inviting the other person back into your life is an option
- Safety is a consideration.\r
- Many factors will determine whether this approach is reasonable. Often it depends on the\r accountability and remorse expressed by the offender
- \r Nobody loses with forgiveness, the offender is free to choose accountability over guilt.
Forgiveness implemented is the key to everyday freedom.
It costs nothing and the rewards are limitless. The thoughts on forgiveness presented here are offered to help you simplify your life.
Anger, resentment and bitterness drain us of emotional energy. Forgiveness is energizing and simplifies life. It provides you with the means to go forward in the presence of adversity, and gain the best possible quality of life. I encourage you to try it!
Karen Grisham is a mental health nurse practitioner, maintaining a private practice since 1996. She has authored books on grief and suicide bereavement. She is owner of Comfort Your Heart, your online source for accurate and timely mental health information, grief support and effective use of alternative therapies.
She can be reached through her site at http://www.comfortyourheart.com/\r You may print a copy of her guide \"How to Choose a Mental Health Professional\" by visiting http://www.comfortyourheart.com/how-to-choose.html
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